Sorry I've spent so much time away from my holy mission to expose the crappiest tv shows on earth. What has brought me out of my forced hibernation was an experience so bad, suckage so blantant, that I didn't even know what show I was actually watching.
I thought I was watching CBS's "The Unit." Aside from the phallic overtures the title makes, it seemed pretty much your standard CBS crap melodrama. You know, "CSI:Miami, CSI:Nebraskan Trailer Park, etc..." Why is it every show on CBS during prime time makes me feel like I am sitting through an extended viewing of "Matlock" with my grandmother?
While suffering through this pot of dog excrement, I couldn't help but notice the text blurb at the bottom of the screen announcing that I was watching "Cold Case" on CBS. Guide said "The Unit." Screen says "Cold Case." I really couldn't tell the difference and I'm not really sure that it matters.
Speaking of excrement, the first thing I noticed about this show was that the background music sounds like some 12 year old kid got a copy of Garage Band and wrote it on a cheap keyboard plugged into his mom's macbook.
The crux of the show? Angry middle-aged attractive blond woman paired with young handsome guy saves the world to bring you mini-van commercials. If you are a member of the middle-aged soccer mom crowd, this show is aimed at you, and you should be offended. It has the intellectual muscle of a barney episode. The dialog makes George Lucas' sound natural, the storyline makes you wish the cops were dead AND the victims, and this show has the single creepiest appearance of a Cindy Lauper song in history. Watching the dead teenage victim sing the song to one of her teachers while he tries to put the moves on her is bad enough, to see it with bad actors is worse, but to have to listen to "True Colors" sung off key during it all is unforgivable.
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